Never Sea Land

[Stan’s house, day. In the living room, Stan and Kyle stand before the TV with guitar controllers in their hands. Nine boys from class watch them from the sofa and the floor. A game starts up. Stan and Kyle immediately begin to play and the other boys begin to cheer them on. The song playing is “Wayward Son”]

Cartman:

Stan, you guys are good! [Stan and Kyle more their right arms around during a power chord, then quickly return to playing. The score is 15,594 points and climbs quickly. Randy watches from the kitchen doorway]

[The kitchen. Sharon is washing dishes. Randy turns and walks towards her.]

Randy:

[sounding tired]  Sharon, what are the boys doing?

Sharon:

Oh, Stan and Kyle bought a new video game together.

Randy:

They can play guitar now?

Sharon:

No, no, they’re just little plastic controllers. You hit the colored buttons and it makes the guitar track on the game play.

Randy:

Ohhh.

Sharon:

If they spent half the time learning a real instrument as they do playing that game, who knows what they could accomplish.

Randy:

Hey yeah…

[The living room. The round ends and the boys cheer.]

Stan:

Dude, listen to that video crowd! They love us! [a shot of the cheering CG crowd on the TV]

Randy:

[walks up to Stan] So you boys like this music, huh?

Kyle:

Yeah, dude. It’s Guitar Hero.

Butters:

Stan and Kyle are really good at it.

Randy:

Well you kids wanna see something really cool? [the boys pay attention] Check this out. [walks away and picks up an electric guitar, and plugs in the amplifier. He puts his right foot on top of the amplifier and begins to play “Wayward Son” a half-step up]

Once, I rose
above the noise and confusion
Just to get a glimpse
beyond this illusion.
I was soaring ever
higher
But I flew too high.
Though my eyes could
see I-

Stan:

[irritated, interrupting] Dad? Dad! What are you doing?!

Randy:

[brightly] I can actually play a lot of these songs on a real guitar. You want me to teach you boys how?

Cartman:

Uhh, that’s gay, Mr. Marsh.

Stan:

Yeah, that’s stupid, Dad.

Randy:

But… But this is real.

Cartman:

Real guitars are for old people.